A Soldier's Life
by duofan
Summary: Finally, the rules are et up and the race will soon start! SxM, RxR.This is one crazy fic that will make you cry or laugh or hate me :
1. Here Kitty!

The characters mentioned in this fic belongs to Konami and some other dudes..  
  
Now Playing  
  
Life has been good for Snake. Beers, cigs, Asian pin-ups and of course, the presence of Meryl.. Meryl.and yes.Meryl.  
  
Anyway, let's get back to the story.  
  
The legendary Solid Snake was now living with her in a small Alaskan town. It was a simple life, working surrounded by dorks and annoying residents. Everybody would know you're secret in less than 3 minutes. Infamous Intuits would go killing animals and eat their uncooked flesh for dinner, this fact has fascinated Snake, but sadly grossed out Meryl.  
  
Yea, it was a simple life, until now.  
  
"Snaaaaaakkeeee!!!"  
  
The man shuddered at the woman's voice. "Why did everybody yell his name like that? I mean, I'm not dead or anything."  
  
As he stood up from the couch filled with marshmallows, he turned off TV where his favourite shows played: Like Home Improvement.  
  
Yea, that show saved his ass last week. Meryl had been threatening to burn his Asian pin -ups to Hell if he didn't fix the bathroom's faucet.  
  
Returning to reality, he spotted Meryl coming towards him with a box.  
  
"Oh box, I just love you so. You make me tingle when I see you." He whispered.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
She just smiled and held the box in front of him, "Here open it."  
  
Cautiously, Snake opened the tabs of the nice box with a shriek.  
  
"GAH!! It's moving!!" He yelled hysterically and pulled out a gun.  
  
"Snake it's just a kitten and we're keeping him. I found in on the streets and I though he'd keep you company while I go to work." She calmed him down. "Besides, I just named his 'Snake Junior'."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"Spot that Snake. You're scaring 'Snake Junior'" Meryl hushed him as he held the gentle looking kitten in front of his face.  
  
Snake stared dumbly at the creature as his brain tried to analyse some data.  
  
[IINSIDE SNAKE'S BRAIN: THE MUSICAL]  
  
-ANIMAL CLASS: FELINE  
-SORT: EVIL  
-FUR TEXTURE: UNEXPECTEDLY WARM AND FUZZY  
-SPECIAL NOTES: SHARP NINJA CLAWS, FACIAL EXPRESSION LIKE RAIDEN'S AND CAT NEEDS BOOOZ TOO.  
  
[END OF ANALYSE]  
  
"So? What do you think of 'Snake Junior'?"  
  
"Huh? Hum, yea he's nice."  
  
"Really Snake?"  
  
"He shrugged, "You can keep him, I just want you're box."  
  
"Snak-"  
  
"I said I want the box!" He roared.  
  
Scared, Meryl backed away slowly and gave the mad man the box. "Here's the box, but what are you going to do with a dumb ol-"  
  
But before she could finish her sentence, Snake took off with his new toy and ran to his room with a unearthly giggle.  
  
"So 'Snake Junior' what do you think of Old Snake?"  
  
"Meow?"  
  
3 DAYS LATER.  
  
"I can't take this anymore!"  
  
"What Snake?"  
  
"Gahh! I hate that cat. It looks at me with his cute eyes and makes me melt, he smells oddly like Liquid, he doesn't stop following me and-" Snakes covers his face like a drama movie, " He . . .He used one of my boxes as a scratching pole! One of my pooor innocent box suffered from your canine."  
  
"Feline!"  
  
"I don't care even if it's a new alien species."  
  
"Snake, stop. You're acting childish, Snake Junior has done nothing wrong."  
  
The man sighed, "You're right, I shouldn't take it out on a defenceless animal like a kitten."  
  
"Damn right Snake."  
  
"What are YOU doing here Otacon?" Snake asked in a annoyed voice.  
  
"I was hoping you'd remember my birthday!" he said happily from an opened window.  
  
"I wouldn't of cared if it was even you're mother's funeral Hal."  
  
"That was mean Snake, even for you. Apologies to Hal right now."  
  
But before he could even turn his head, Snake noticed his 'friend' running of crying like a sissy in a manga.  
  
"Look at what you've done Dave. You should be nicer to you're friends while you still have some."  
  
"Meryl, stay outta this. This is Otacon remember? He'll snap out of it. Like the time I thought his Parrot was lunch."  
  
Out of no where, a hand slapped his face. It was didn't really hurt but it was painful coming from Meryl.  
  
"I'm sick and tired of you Solid Snake. I'm leaving."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Don't 'butt' me you bastard! For months I've tried to live with you but I'm getting nowhere. I think I need a vacation. AWAY from your Alaskan fantasy world where you drink you're booz 24/7 and you're unbearable masturbation from your awful pin-ups!"  
  
"How did you-"  
  
"Oh please Dave. I'm respecting you're privacy but sometimes, you don't even know how thin these walls separates me and you're passionate cries."  
  
"But-"  
  
The arguments continued for a while, but poor Snake was unable to utter a single word besides 'but-' while Meryl packed her clothes and other necessities in some suitcases.  
  
"And take care of 'Snake Junior' for me" she said hurriedly and placed the mewling kitten in his arms.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Snake?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Meryl's angry look got gentle and made Snake's heart go faster, "Please, if you do care for me, take care of the kitten ok?"  
  
"But-"  
  
He couldn't have avoided her departure and he couldn't even resist her quick kiss, he couldn't have stopped her from her starting engine and he couldn't help himself from watching her leaving town and he never even noticed that 'Snake Junior' was mewling in his arms.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Gimme anothwer beer Steve."  
  
"Dude, you shouldn't be drinking anymore . . ."  
  
"I seaid onothwer one!! If y'a don't's I'w blasts youyr head inta simetterins!"  
  
*Bartender runs away*  
  
"Snake, you should stop drinking or you'll be spending the next 2 days in the bathroom."  
  
"Stay ouwtta this Raiiideeeeen. This is MY attemps to make this right for my butds."  
  
"By drinking?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"What exactly did you tell Hal and Meryl to make them so sad?"  
  
"I told Otacaon that I wouldn't have gones to his HOT mother's funeral and I wouldn't have cares less than his Birsthday and I got mads at Swakes Juniors."  
  
"Who's 'Snake Junior'?"  
  
"It's a fluffys kitten that looks like youUuu!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep!" *hicks* "It walks like you, eats like you, dances and talks AND pisses like y'a!" *hick*  
  
"Snake. Sometimes I really do worry about you."  
  
"God, he's really drunk tonight," he thought, "I think I'll have to drag him back to his house again."  
  
"Dave?"  
  
No answer came up.  
  
So Raiden glanced towards his friend who's fallen asleep on the drenched table and his head was sprinkled with peanut shells and cocktail umbrellas. 


	2. Gift

Hey Hey readers. Huum. It may seem that I've made some errors in my last chapt. but since I study mostly in  
  
a french school, I only get a few english classes in my school,but I use english more often. Also, note that I didn't correct any of this fic . So if you find errors it's because I haven't  
  
corrected it yet.  
  
As you may already know, the characters don't belong to me and they belong to Konami.  
  
Gift  
  
"Meryl ... .huuhhuuummmm...Meryl..."  
  
Realizing that she wasn't there, Snake woke up from his slumber and noticed that he was back in his house again.  
  
"God my head hurts like shit and the last thing I remembered is that Raiden dragged me out of the bar while I was singer . . .Barney? Or was it the song of Titanic?."  
  
Shifting into another position, he suddenly remembered what he said to Otacon and suprisingly, he felt bad about it, he didn't know if it was the booze,   
  
but he felt responsible for everthing that has happened yesterday.  
  
Snake grumbled as he thought of apoligizing to his 'friend', so he think a gift would patch things up.  
  
The cat meowed beside him as he went towards the kitchen, "what do you want?"  
  
'Snake Junior' just meowed and continued purring.  
  
"You must be hungry." he said as he searched for some food, "Do you mind eating peanuts Raiden..heuh I mean Snake Junior?"  
  
"RRRRSSSCCCCHHHH!!!"  
  
"Guess not."  
  
"..."  
  
"Well I guess I should pick up some cat food for you and I should get Otacon his present"  
  
The cat only meowed happily.  
  
Later that day, Solid Snake parked his car across . . .A manga shop.  
  
"Man, that place looks like heaven for geeks. Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, for Otacon."  
  
Taking a big breath before stepping inside, he made sure he had a gun in his pockets.  
  
"Welcome to Al's Anime & Manga shop!" a bunny man greeted a frightenned Snake.  
  
"Get the fuck away from me." he said and hesitated to use his gun in self-defence.  
  
The man in a bunny suit backed away as Snake ventured in the weird surroundings in this weird establishment.  
  
"What does Hal like again?" *Snake has no idea*  
  
After wandering around the shop for HOURS, Snake decided to ask a clerck for some help.  
  
"Hum, excuse me, can you help me here?"  
  
"Yes, how can I help you?"  
  
Taking some time to think,Snake finally found the exact words so he won't affend the clerck too much.  
  
"I want to find a present for a friend of mine. Something you low-life geeks would die to get."  
  
"I guess you're friend would like this special *Edition of Wings Zero assembled by Hikaru Midorikawa in 2001.  
  
It's in mint condition and has the guy's autograph."  
  
"Are you sure he would like it?" the suspicious Snake questionned.  
  
"It's the only ONE that exist in the world and it's only 3000$"  
  
"Are you crazy? I won't pay 3000 bucks for a fucking plastic toy! What is this world?? Geek world?? I won't blow out 3000$ on  
  
a toy!" Solid Snake yelled out. "I mean, how am I sure he won't just throw it out in the garbage the next day?"  
  
The small clerck laughed, "You think this is a piece of junk? You don't know how many guys wants to kill me for this. Just look out the store window and  
  
you can see those guys drooling over the window."  
  
Snake sighed and handed out the bills,"Whatever you say, but if he's not satisfied, I'm going to pay you a nice visit, you understand?"  
  
The guy only nodded and handed him the precious package, "Don't worry my friend, you won't be disapointed."  
  
"I'm not you're friend."  
  
With that he decided to head back to his place. It took the incredible Solid Snake about an hour to cross back to his car, after being mobbed by crazed Otaku fans.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You know what Raiden. Sorry, I mean Snake Junior. Do you think Hal will like his present, if not I'll have to kill that clerck."  
  
"Meow."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure he'll like it too." Snake replied the cat as he finished feeding the feline.  
  
"Why am I talking to a cat?" He asked himself."I must be turning crazy since Meryl left."  
  
Besides having erotic dreams of her, He did miss her presence in the house. It made him feel welcomed and loved. Now the house is just  
  
empty. "She's right after all. I never really paid attention to her. I should have done something before she went away from me. Isn't that right Snake Jr."  
  
"Rweow."  
  
"Guess I should deliver Otacon's 3000$ worth plastic toy."  
  
"Meow."  
  
"I wonder if you can understand me." he asked the cat as he finished his meal.  
  
"..."  
  
"I really should stop drinking too."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snake arrived at Otacon's apartment that night and prepared himself a speech.  
  
"I should really say something sentimental so he'll forgive or if I mess this up he'll be mad  
  
forever and ever and ever."  
  
Speech Number 1 (the sissy way); "I'm so sorry Hal for what I've just said.Can you forgive a lonely soldier with so little friends?"  
  
Speech number 2 (The original way); "I'm sorry for insulting your mother and your pathetic nature. Can you ever forgive the Incredible and superior Solid Snake?"  
  
"I think the speech number one is better,"Snake told himself and rang the doorbell of Otacon's place,"I just have to give him the stupid toy and go back to my place and play with my boxes."  
  
To his expectance, Hal opened the door wearing a birthday hat, "Welcome to my birthday party!! yeah!...Oh, it's you Snake."  
  
"Humm..."  
  
"What are you doing here?' Otacon asked the man bitterly, "Are you here to insult me or my mother again?"  
  
Hesitantly, Snake pulled out his 'present' and shoved it to Hal, " I think I owe you an apology and here's . . .uhmm something for you."  
  
"Are you really apologizing to me Dave?"  
  
"Didn't I just say so?'  
  
"I was just asking,"Otacon replied noncomitantly before he invited him in,"I'm just suprised to see you that's all."  
  
"Humph-"  
  
"GAAAAHH!!!!!!"  
  
Instinctively, Snake reached his M9 and was prepared to protect Otacon for what ever fear made him scream like that. "What's wrong Hal? Is there an enemy sentry?"  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
"What the hell is going on? Why are you screaming like that?"  
  
Just like a soap opera, a Happy, happy Hal Emmerich hugged the daylights of Snake as tried to understand why he was acting like that.  
  
"I LOVE you snake!"  
  
"WHAT???!!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU-"  
  
"Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!..."  
  
*Five minutes later*  
  
"Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!*gasp for breath*Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!"  
  
"All right, all right Hal. I didn't know you'd like it that much." Snake grumbled out as he struggled out of the long and unbearable bear-hug.  
  
"I can't believe you bought me this! It must have cost you a fortune." A excited Otaku fan headed to a room Snake haven't been in yet."I'll just bring this to my...humm..security room."  
  
"What the hell is that room?"  
  
"Let's just say I keep my valuables there,"Hal replied and pressed some codes,"You know, to preserve stuff."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Greeting Snake's eye version, was 10 steel bolted doors sliding open to them and dark red light bathing the vast room.  
  
Squinting his eyes, Snake tried to determine the stuff displayed there, costumes and memoribilias hung and were placed in a  
  
geeky museum fashion.  
  
Cautiously, Hal opened took out the toy and put it on a glass display case and gently put the autograph beside it.  
  
"I never knew you can make a room like this."  
  
"Snake, I AM a genius after all."  
  
"Yeah, a genius cartoon geek." a bored Snake whispered under his breath.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Nothin'."  
  
Getting out of the scary room of Hal, Snake realised that nobody showed up for his 'friend's' birthday party.  
  
"So...humm...what are we going to do for the rest of the night."  
  
"You're staying? That is so cool of you Snake! Well, we can watch Gundam Wing Endless Waltz or we can watch the entire season 3 of  
  
Rurouni Kenshin."  
  
Seeing no reaction, Otacon decided to name the last etertainment for the night.  
  
"OR we can watch 'A Hot sizzling Night With Meryl In The Showers'"  
  
*Blinks* "What did you just say??! NO! I mean, how did you get to film her..."  
  
"I'm a genius remember? If I can make a destructive robot, I think I can do a simple thing as setting up a camera in a shower."  
  
"..."  
  
"What's wrong Snake?" Realization dawned to him, "Oh shit! I think Snake is going to kill me for tapping his girl."  
  
"I never knew you were a horny bastard who spies on my Meryl."  
  
"Technically, she's NOT YOU'RE Meryl, and second of all, I am a grown man after all. Who ever told you I didn't like porno less than you?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Well you better settle down, I have more tapes than you can ever own. I also have, " Sexy night with She-Wolf" and "Horny little Colonel."  
  
"EEEEWWWWWWW!!! I can't believe you Hal."  
  
"You think I wanted to plant it there because I like to see his ugly and hairy butt?? Well you are sadly mistaken because I thought it was Rose's place."  
  
"Finally! We have something in Common!" Snake exclaimed as he jumped on the sofa and tugged Hal with him,"We are Both perverted losers! Well, accecpt maybe for me."  
  
* Author's Note.  
  
the Gundam Model Kit mentionned in this fic DOES really exist. Color Design by Hikaru Midorikawa and assmbled by Ishe Masarki, this model kit  
  
has a nice purple shade with special effects. Even though the price tag I've put on it is only 3000$ I think it's worth more than that.   
  
I'll post some images of the model Kit Wing Zero on my web page. 


	3. StValentine's Day

God I just can't wait for Snake Eater! I think I'll die of before it gets here. To also mention all the people who already this fic I thank you soo much.  
  
Like you know, this story if purely fictional, any resemblances to actual living persons are only coincidental. The characters mentioned here are registered as the subjects of the Konami Company.  
  
St-Valentine's Day  
  
Sunlight bathed his room and woke the sleeping Snake from his deep slumber. Apparently, the party at Otacon's birthday wasn't that bad. He left Hal's place earlier to avoid cleaning.  
  
He remembered clearly before he left his friend's place, he slipped the 'Meryl' tape in his pocket. Smiling from last night festivities, Snake was startled to see the cat taking a nap beside him.  
  
The man slipped in the kitchen and began to prepare some coffee for himself and give the feline some food. His eyes then gazed upon the calendar And saw a particular date circled upon it.  
  
February 14  
  
It was Meryl's writing he noticed and sighed, "I think she was supposed to get me something today for St-Valentine's."  
  
Suddenly, from the small kitchen window, a small package entered the room as it shattered the glass.  
  
"Get back here you bastard!" Yelled Snake as he began to fire the stranger with his gun, "The next time you show up I'll slit your throat!!!"'  
  
He quickly picked up the package and ripped the wrapping from it, strips of paper danced around him as he grinned at the gift, it was from Meryl!  
  
"Oh ! I wonder what she send me." he wondered and began to read the letter.  
  
'Dear Snake.  
  
How have you been? I won't tell you where I am but I just wanted to wish you a happy St-Valentine's Day.  
I was in such a hurry I forgot to give it to you.  
  
It's a Zippo lighter and some chocolates I made for you. I figured out that you smoke a lot and that you may need it.  
Enjoy the chocolates, even if they do suck, at least they are better than those rations you eat.  
  
I'll see you in a month.  
  
Love Meryl '  
  
After he safely putted his gifts, he started to clean up the floor, out of no where, he spotted a photo that came from the package.  
  
"It must have slipped from my hand" he said and took a look at it. "God does she look good in a bikini-"  
  
His eyes bugged out of his eye sockets as he saw another man holding her shoulders in a manly fashion. It was a hot blond guy wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt.  
  
"Oh my God!!!! She found herself a girlfriend. Ok Snake, don't overreact, you know that you can have some pretty bad mental problems so calm down man. Now, I'll take another good look at the photo"  
  
With all his courage, he flashed the photograph in front of his face, " Why did she had to be with that son of a bitch!!!??? I'm hotter than that sleazy dude who doesn't even have Abs like me. Oh wait, he does. He does??? AHHH!!! I lost my only girl to a party animal!! She only leaves me for a few days and she already found a 'friend'!! Am I so ugly?"  
  
Snake tried to keep himself from crying as he answered the ringing phone.  
  
"Hwello?" *Sniffs*  
  
"Yo, it's me Otacon."  
  
"What's *sniff* ups?"  
  
"Geez Snake what the hell is wrong with you? I thought you'd be cheerful after all those porn movies we watched."  
  
"I just saw Meryl with another man."  
  
"You have? "Hal asked excitedly, "Is the guy hotter than you?'  
  
"He looks like a clone version of Raiden."  
  
"Ouch"  
  
"Can you track her down for me?" A Snake demanded with a evil tone to it,"I need to know where she is. And then, the entire World will know that I, Solid Snake own Meryl! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
"No can do."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't help evil jerks ruining their girlfriend's vacation. Just wait till she returns."  
  
"But she only comes back in a month! I can't wait that long! Plus, it's St- Valentine's Day!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"I feel sooooo lonely!!"  
  
"Ha! Now you can feel how we geeks are at the happy lovy dovy and the most romantic day of your life!!! ALONE! Suits you right Snake for making fun of me each year for not having a girl at my age!"  
  
"I didn't laugh at you Hal" Snake lied.  
  
"How about the time you set up a blind date with a hairy 70 year old last Christmas, or how about the time you set up Vamp with me when it was St- Valentines' Day last year or how about-"  
  
"Ok Ok, I'll wait for her. But if I feel lonely, would you come and bring more of that porno for us to watch?'  
  
"No. Suffer Snake."  
  
"Gah! You son of a bitch!!!"  
  
With that he disconnected the phone and took the photo and started to rip it to shreds and let them on the floor and started to jump on them.  
  
"I hate you Meryl!I hate you Meryl!I hate you Meryl!I hate you Meryl!I hate you Meryl!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Hello, yeah that's me."  
  
´ I think we have a problem with Snake and it's kinda serious."  
  
"I'll be right there."  
  
Raiden arrived quickly at Snake's house and ran towards the door where Otacon waited impatiently for him to arrive.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here Jack, when I saw Dave like that this morning, I think I was going to faint."  
  
"Hal, you always faint when you see things you can't bear."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"Nothing, let's get back to Snake alright?"  
  
"As I was trying to tell you, "Otacon walked beside him and began to lower his voice, "I think Snake is getting onto his mental problems again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Let's just say he saw a guy hanging out with Meryl and the guy is really hot. And he went berserk."  
  
"Maybe he's not her boyfriend."  
  
"Snake said he was hot."  
  
"."  
  
"Well, you'll just have to see for yourself."  
  
Jack frowned at Hal before he opened the door of Snake's room. Pin-ups were everywhere and an eerie feeling ran over him as little sounds came from a enormous cardboard box in the middle of the room.  
  
"Snake?" Raiden asked the box.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Why are you inside that box?'  
  
"I love you. Yes. I love!!! Meryl? Wanna cup of tea?"  
  
Jake and Hal shared a look before they continued to question their friend.  
  
"Dave, let's talk ok?"  
  
"Oh sure! Let's talk! Let's talk! Oh we'll talk. Talk about how that mean Meryl left me and joined her gay looking groupies instead of hanging around with the silly Solid Snake. Oh YES we'll talk."  
  
"This is getting weird Hal."  
  
His friend just nodded sadly, "I think I'll call Meryl." He whispered Raiden's ear, "Just don't mention her until I get to call or ask her to come back as soon as she could."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"And Jack?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Be careful, we don't know what he may do when he's crazy like that."  
  
"Roger."  
  
With that Otacon left the house and Raiden was all alone in the room with the Great Solid Snake. 


	4. SnakeRaidenDanger

This fic is entirely fictional so don't sue me. Of course the characters don't belong to me but it's a fun story. The characters are original creations of the Konami Company and their respective artists and designers.  
  
Raiden+Snake=Danger  
  
Jack shifted uncomfortably as he stood in front of the box. "What should I do?" he wondered alone, "I could try to talk him out. Try to convince him to get out of his cardboard sanctuary."  
  
"Hum. Snake?"  
  
"Yes? Want a cup of tea sir? Yes everybody likes tea. Yes. Especially silly old Solid Snake"  
  
"You might want to come out to feed your cat maybe?"  
  
"No, Raiden's fine. He's fine. He visits me once in a while. Yes."  
  
"But Raiden is my name."  
  
"No it's not. It's the cat's name."  
  
"Snake , I'm just trying to tell you that it's my-"  
  
"Get the fuck away you evil person."  
  
"You must be hungry Snake. Let me get you something to eat ok?"  
  
"I said to get the fuck away from me. You hear me??"  
  
As Jack stood around for a while, he tried to think of something that would make his mental defected friend come out.  
  
Suddenly, he remembered what Otacon just said before he left.  
  
"Don't forget Jack. Don't mention Meryl .You don't know what a crazy guy like Snake can do."  
  
As Raiden grinned at his idea, he tapped the box and cried out loud. "Oh snake! Meryl is here!"  
  
Snake came out of the box and searched for his girlfriend, "Where? Where are you Meryl?"  
  
Suddenly, he saw Raiden standing in the middle of the room. His anger rose as he reached for his tranquilizer.  
  
"You mother f(beep)ucker!!! Get away from Meryl you gay party animal!"  
  
Afraid, Raiden tried to take cover but Solid Snake shot him right in the ass. "Got'cha you runt!"  
  
Trying to crawl away from the mad man, the cat came running inside the room and started to sniff the semi-conscious man.  
  
"Go kitty Raiden! Go get the girlfriend stealer."  
  
His vision began to swirl as Snake pulled him by his legs and began to hurl him inside the box.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Where the hell am I?"  
  
Jack sat up in the darkness of Snake's 'Funhouse' and soon noticed that his hands were tied together behind his back with telephone cords. The thick air caused him to detect an unpleasant odor and his eyes grew wide as he saw Snake approaching him.  
  
Dave wore nothing besides his jeans and his face was painted in an Indian fashion. His eyes carried a tinkle that announced danger.  
  
And his smirk was spine chilling.  
  
"So~ the puss finally woke up"  
  
"Snake. Let me go. You need help."  
  
"Silence you bastard! Tell me where you hid Meryl."  
  
"Meryl's on vacation! She will be here in a month."  
  
"I can't wait that long you dumbass. I need her to share a cup of tea and some cookies with me." The Indian wanna-be said with an intimidating tone.  
  
Jack wiggled his fingers to stop the feeling of numbness as he continued to retaliate. " Dave. It's me Jack. I'm here to help you as a friend. You got to stop this."  
  
"Shut up. I saw you with Meryl."  
  
"Meryl is not with me! Get it through the thick skull of yours. I'm already married to Rose!! Why would I want your girl?"  
  
"To piss me off?"  
  
"Snake, that's ridiculous."  
  
"To have a hot night with Meryl instead of your 6 month old pregnant girl?"  
  
"No Snake."  
  
"GAH!! I'm so confused."  
  
"Of course. You're having problems."  
  
"Shut up or I'll tranquilize you again."  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"Oh YES." Snake whispered in a homicidal way, "I also took photos of you-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh yes. They are quite nice and sexy. I think I'll sell them on the Net."  
  
As the Indian Snake started to laugh and dance in an Indian way, Raiden just realized that his VR training didn't help him in anything up until now. He can't even protect himself from the Incredible Mental Snake right now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Beep*  
  
"Meryl?"  
  
"Hey Hal. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing much."  
  
". . ."  
  
"Oh yeah. Snake has gone mad."  
  
"What?!!"  
  
"Yeah he went nuts because he thinks you have another boyfriend and he's locked himself up in a giant cardboard box." Otacon said concomitantly.  
  
"I guess I have to come back earlier. I'll catch the earliest plane back home ok. Let's see, meet me back at tomorrow morning at the airport ok."  
  
"Sure Meryl. And make it snappy, every minute spared, makes Snake even scarier and crazier."  
  
"Ok. See you tomorrow then."  
  
As she shut off her cell phone, she took a one last look at the pleasant beach as she sourly remembered she had to return to Alaska to cheer Dave up.  
  
"I guess vacation time is over. Why do you always get in trouble Snake?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Snake, please let me go. You already tortured me enough. Look at me for God's sake. I said look at ME!!! I look like a grandmother."  
  
His captor only smiled as he continued to snap photos of him. "Shut up you bastard and smile for the camera."  
  
"Snake!! Snap out of it!"  
  
"I said shut up you bastard." Dave yelled in front of his face as he shoved a chocolate chip cookie inside Raiden's mouth.  
  
"huummsnahu,mm*crunch*mmmke."  
  
"Ha! Now you can see how much my cooking skills are superior then yours."  
  
*chokes* "Dave! It's ME! Jack!"  
  
"Whatever. Now it's time for more cookies."  
  
When the victim finally realized that the crazy soldier was approaching him with a 50 pound bag of chocolate chip cookies. Jack just sighed and remembered that he was doing this for his friend.  
  
The guy who supposedly had saved the world. Twice now. Or third.  
  
Otacon scratched his head as he headed towards the door, "Who the Hell is it? Crap man! It's 2 in the morning." He grumbled unhappily.  
  
"Hal. HaveyouseenJackbecauseI'mworriedandIcan'tsleepandIhavethosebadcravingsagain. Andafoolishwomanlikemeneedsherhusbandand-"  
  
"Rose? What? Jack isn't at your house yet?"  
  
"No. I was hoping he was at your house. I haven't seen him all night." She said worriedly.  
  
"I'll go get him. He's at Dave's house."  
  
"Ok. I'll come with you."  
  
"No. Snake has gone mad. That's all. I you don't see me in 48 hours."  
  
". . ."  
  
"Well. Then you could call the cops."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hal opened the door slowly and went inside Snake's room. The night from the outside world was a white powdery night with a dark tint of dark blued red. Street lights outside cast a light which added the room a scary feeling.  
  
The man crept up to the center of the room and called out for his friend's name.  
  
"Snake? Jack?"  
  
"Where are you guys?"  
  
Breathing was heard behind him.  
  
Slowly at first. Then more labored as if the guys was going to pounce of him.  
  
"Snake?" Hal's whimpered girlishly. "Jack?"  
  
The breathing approached.  
  
"Dave?"  
  
Breathing came up close.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
Labored exhaling was heard.  
  
"Where are you guys?" he asked desperately but refused to look behind.  
  
Otacon froze as a strong hand grabbed his shoulder. The hot humid breath caressed his neck as Hal stopped his breathing.  
  
Before the man put him in a coma, he heard the message.  
  
"I've been waiting for you cutie pie." 


	5. Sanity, Vanity

Crap man! It took me forever just to update this. I'll have to get a better schedule thingie or I'll get loaded by all the school work and fanfic works. Also, if you find this particular chapter sexist, I'm a girl and I don't feel offended by it and I'm jus facing facts.  
  
As you may all know, this fic is purely fictional; the characters mentioned belong to the Konami Company and their respectful artists.  
  
Now let's get on to the fanfic.  
  
Sanity, Vanity  
  
Hal Emmerich opened his eyes as he tried to force himself to focus on his surroundings. The heavy air made him grasp short breaths and cough to maintain his oxygen levels.  
  
His eyes finally settled on Raiden who was tied up and stared back at him. "What the hell happened to you?"  
  
"Don't ask."  
  
"Where's Snake? What's going on?"  
  
"Snake has gone mad as you already know and we're prisoners at the 'Snake Fort', the strongest Fort in the world and we're now dressed up as grandmothers."  
  
"You're joking right?"  
  
"I wished."  
  
"Well, we'll just have to wait till Meryl comes to our rescue OR we'll just have to wait 2 more days."  
  
"Oh, that's encouraging," Jack mumbled sarcastically, "While you're at it, did you know that he took photos of us and posted them on his website?"  
  
"Oh yeah? I never thought Dave was so intelligent."  
  
"Neither did I."  
  
"So little Hal woke up," Snake said with a wicked smile. "I hope you enjoyed your makeover, I used Meryl's favorite 'Lancôme' Lipstick."  
  
"This getting bad David, You need to calm down."  
  
The captor growled in anger as he started to shake the granny clad Otacon, "You want me to calm down?? I'll calm down! Or perhaps I should call you down buster! So shut your trap or else!"  
  
Hal whimpered and trembled as Snake let him go, "And as for you, yousonofabitch girl friend stealer, I'm gonna make you pay!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"What did you say little man?"  
  
"I bet you that she left you because you can't keep up with her! And that's why she left you!"  
  
Snake remained silent for a moment before he lifted Raiden by the collar.  
  
"Speechless aren't you Dave? I'm a better lover that you are Snake. I bet you won't be able to charm anybody for the rest of your life."  
  
"Oh. Is that a challenge?"  
  
"Yes. Otacon will ask us questions and he'll decide if he would be charmed by one of us. It's a best out of 10 questions."  
  
"What's the gig?" Snake demanded.  
  
"If I win, you let us free and you'll have to go under therapy."  
  
"And if I win?"  
  
Jack smirked, "If you win. You get to do whatever you want with us."  
  
"Jack!" Hal yelled, "Are you crazy??"  
  
"Shut up and trust me Hal."  
  
"Alright, I accept your challenge."  
  
"Ok. Let's begin."  
  
Otacon shifted a little and pondered for a question. "If I was a girl, what would I be like?"  
  
Snake and jack shuddered at the thought and continued to listen to Otacon.  
  
"Ok. If it was St- Valentine's Day, what would you offer me?"  
  
The men thought about it for a moment and Jack answered first. "I would offer you a bouquet of 200 roses and a big box of Swiss chocolates."  
  
Snake grunted at his enemy's answer, "I would get you a Playgirl magazine, some booze and a bandanna."  
  
Otacon moved away from Snake. "I think I would give that one for Jack."  
  
"Alright, next question, if I had hairy armpits, what would you tell me?"  
  
Jack coughed before he answered, "I would compliment them."  
  
Solid Snake vomited on the carpet and was unable to answer.  
  
"Next question, if my father was Revolver Ocelot. Would you guys have the courage to demand the right to marry me?"  
  
"I would show the proper honor and be polite towards him." Raiden replied smoothly.  
  
Snake only muttered a small, "I would blast his face for what he did to Meryl."  
  
"Um, okay. For the next question. If you were to watch the Teletubies with our children and read Martha Steward's Magazines with me, would you run away?"  
  
Snake surprised both of them, "I would gladly, what that educational show with my children and happily read the whole issues of Martha with you."  
  
Jack looked nervously at Otacon who only replied, "Jack, he DID dress us up at as women and he HAS gone crazy, of course he would reply like that."  
  
"Now, here's the fifth question. If I would go to a boxing day at Wal-Mart, would you assist me?"  
  
"For a guy, you awfully know a lot about women's thoughts." Jack commented suspiciously.  
  
"Uhh. No comment."  
  
Dave burst out in laughter. "I course I would come with you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Boxing Days at Wal-Mart are more dangerous than any VR trainings! You see all those families trying to kill each other off for those pair of reduced shoes or pants! It's like a battle field there! I would NEVER leave a woman there, they would never come out . . . but eventually they will when it's going to be over."  
  
Jack and Otacon both agreed to Snake's thinking and Hal mentally registered the points.  
  
"Alright Snake, let's see you handle this question. If I saw my favorite perfume but it cost too much for me, would you buy it for me?"  
  
Snake thought about it for a moment before he asked, "Is it a good perfume?"  
  
"Let's say it's a channel 5."  
  
"Eew!! That perfume stinks like shit! Why would you wear that! You'd smell like a grand mother!"  
  
"Snake," Jack reminded, "This is only a test, and Hal is not a woman."  
  
"Oh yeah, that's right."  
  
"So what's your answer Jack?"  
  
"I would buy it for you."  
  
"All right, here's the next one. If I invited Vamp to our wedding rehearsal, would you be able to stop him from killing our guest without resorting violence?"  
  
Jack took some time and replied, "I'll just call the cops and they'll take care of them."  
  
"How about you Snake?"  
  
"Can I hide from him with my cardboard box?"  
  
"I won't accord any point for any of you for this round."  
  
"If some of you pals organized a bachelor's party, would you attend?"  
  
"Ohhh where is it? Is it the one downtown at the red-light district? The one called "Kitty's Club"?" Snake asked excitedly.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"I would go-r, NOT go."  
  
"So the point goes to Raiden. Now for the next question. If we had the choice of watching "Gone with the Wind" and a "Rambo" Movie, what would you choose?"  
  
"I would chose "Gone with the Wind"." Jack said.  
  
"Um. What's 'Gone with the Wind'?" Dave demanded.  
  
"You never saw that movie?" Hal cried out surprised, "It's only the best chic flick of the world!"  
  
"Oh yeah? But since I never heard of it, I'll go with "Rambo.'"  
  
"I think the point should go to Jack."  
  
"Now or the last question." Otacon announced like if he was in the 'Who wants to be a millionaire' show. "If I had a baby, would you do the honor and change his or hers diapers for me?"  
  
Jack gulped and started to sweat, that question reminded him of his married state, all that responsibilities and of course, or Rose.  
  
"I would change them." Snake told them casually.  
  
"Snake, don't you know how much it stinks a diaper? It's like the worst smell on earth."  
  
"It can't be as worse as my wet socks combined with my armpits after a mission." The Incredible Solid Snake muttered.  
  
"Gosh Snake. You didn't have to get into the details." Jack said and nearly puked at the thought.  
  
"I'm just telling you the truth."  
  
"Alright, now for the moment you've all been waiting for, who's going to win? Is it the greatest cloned soldier Solid Snake? Or is it the traumatized Jack from his childhood? Now let's take a look, with 4 points! Raiden takes the game! Congratulations Jack! You won and that means we are free!" Hal yelled out in happiness.  
  
"I think not."  
  
"Hey you promised Snake!"  
  
"Do you obviously think a guy like me is to be trusted?" He said with a smirk.  
  
"Here we go again." Jack whispered himself and turned towards the door which unexpectedly opened. 


	6. Damnation

Ah no. I still haven't gotten my damn answer for Ubisoft thingy project I'm doing. Bof never mind then. I'll just call tomorrow. The story in this chapter may not resemble what I usually write in the others but it's just for one chapter to make it more dramatic I guess.  
  
The characters mentioned here belong to Konami and their respective artists. I'm only writing this because I dreamt about it one night and I found it quite funny.  
  
Damnation  
  
Meryl barged into the messed up room and let Rose come in. At first the girls weren't able to recognize the missing men.  
  
"Hal? Jack? What the Hell happened to you?"  
  
Rose ran over to Jack and started to untie her husband's hands. "God, you look like my grandmother Jack."  
  
Meryl approached Snake, "Snake. What were you thinking when you did this to them?"  
  
He chuckled to himself, "Yeah? Well what the fuck were you doing with Blondie?"  
  
"Blondie?"  
  
"Don't mess with me you bitch. You know who I'm talking about, the man on the photograph. The one you sent to me a while ago."  
  
She quickly realized what he was babbling about, "What? You mean Alex? He was our tour guide when I went to have my trip Snake. He would NEVER go out with me anyway."  
  
"And why not?" He demanded.  
  
Meryl took a deep breath before she simply told him. "Because he's a homosexual and he already HAS a partner."  
  
Dave stood shocked in disbelief. For a moment nobody moved as Snake slowly went to sit down on his chair. His head had sunken low and not a word came out from his mouth.  
  
Feeling her heartbeat calming down she only shook her head sadly and turned towards her friends, "Hey guys. Um. Listen. Why don't you go home and let me take care of this alright?"  
  
They all agreed and left without hesitation. This left her alone with Snake and the cat. She hulled her luggage to her own room before she started to clean the rooms. They never spoke while she did her job and he would sometimes hear her sigh and talk with the cat.  
  
Finally, when she was done with her chores. She slowly went up to Snake who was still sitting on his chair as if had never moved.  
  
"Snake. We need to talk."  
  
He only registered with a light nod.  
  
"I know that it must be hard to deal with what has happened to us a while ago. But I want you to know this alright?"  
  
Since she got no answer she decided to continue, "I know we had our disagreements sometimes, and we are different in a way. But I want you to know that I do love you Snake."  
  
"Yeah right."  
  
"Snake!"  
  
"You never did care alright. It's all a fuckin' dream. You're saying that because you feel sorry for me. 'Oh. Look at poor old Solid Snake' He's so pathetic. Fuck man. You don't obviously think that you fell in love with a guy who can't even handle with his own life. I'm a damn clone and you know it. As if I'm not even real."  
  
"Snake . . ."  
  
"Don't you 'Snake' ME Meryl. I know the truth and I can't deny it anymore-'  
  
Before he could finish his sentence, Meryl had to shut him up by kissing him with all her might. He didn't know what to do. All his senses were confused with his lust for her and the feeling of hesitation.  
  
"So why are you letting me kiss you Dave?" She whispered against his mouth, "So why are you letting me comfort you and embracing you if you think I'm screwing with you?"  
  
He couldn't reply at her questions, in fact he didn't know what to do.  
  
"Snake look at me."  
  
His wet eyes met hers for a moment; they did nothing else but stare at each other.  
  
"You saved my life a lot of times and I'm not saying this because of gratitude, I fell in love with you for a reason, and that's because you will never change, you're the Great Incredible Solid Snake. You are a strong man who is capable to do anything. Turn the impossible into the possible."  
  
Dave kept his eyes on the floor as he slowly acknowledged her speech. "If you are the Solid Snake I fell in love with, show me how great you are." She said coarsely and walked towards the door.  
  
As she almost left the room, she suddenly felt arms wrapping tightly her waist. Meryl could also feel the staggering tears on her shoulders as she listened to him speak.  
  
"Don't ever leave me."  
  
Closing her eyes, she nodded and let her senses take her away as Snake scooped her in his arms and carried her into her bedroom.  
  
Little as they know that Snake jr. was watching them earlier on the couch. Sleeping soundly and never minding the sweets sounds coming from its master's room.  
  
The periwinkle blue sky woke Snake up, the snow had stopped falling outside his house and the gentle wind invited the snow flakes to waltz.  
  
He felt true warmth for once and he was grinning like a wolf as he felt Meryl cuddling closer to him. He took the blanket and covered them up to her shoulders and listened to her soft breathing. Last nights events still lingered in his mind as he remembered her soft touch and the feeling of her lips on his skin.  
  
"Snwake?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Why are you up so early?"  
  
"I just woke up." He said with a big smile.  
  
"Good. I thought you were sad or something . . ."  
  
The phone's ringing stopped their conversation then. As Meryl shifted over Snake to pick up the phone, he went towards the kitchen to prepare the household breakfast.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Meryl, so how are you and Snake this morning?" Rose demanded, "I hope you pulverized him good. It'll suit him right to have humiliated my poooor Jackie like that! Hal was sobbing because he had too much lipstick on him and he complained that he looked like a lowlife stripper or something."  
  
She stifled a giggle before she replied, "Nope, I didn't punish him at all."  
  
"Oh? Well, why don't you come to my house and talk about your trip? Jack is going away to do some shopping for me. So, we'll have lots of time to catch up."  
  
"Being pregnant has it advantages huh?"  
  
"You can say that. Once I was really mad at him and I forced him to go make me a club sandwich with caviar. When I didn't even eat it, he got mad but he gave up."  
  
"Well Jack is a nice guy after all."  
  
"Yep. So see you at my house alright?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She quickly hung up and hurried to the kitchen, "Snake, I'm off to Rose's place, can you get to the grocery and pick up some food?? The fridge is empty and we need to start stocking up for the upcoming weeks."  
  
"No. I was going to make you breakfast . . ." he said sadly.  
  
She just smiled at her, "I'm sorry Snake. I'll taste it when I get back ok sweetie?"  
  
"Don't call me sweetie."  
  
As she started dressing up and preparing herself, Snake fed the hungry Snake Junior and prepared the stove.  
  
"I'll see you later ok Dave?"  
  
"Sure," He said between kisses, "I'm going to make you supper as a surprise."  
  
She giggled and closed the door behind her.  
  
"Guess it's just me and you Snake Jr."  
  
"Reweow?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snake pushed up his grocery cart to the vegetable aisle and sighed, "Who ever knew there were so many damn vegetables."  
  
Picking up some tomatoes and examined them closely, he gave up and carelessly tossed some in the bag. "I don't have time to check the stupid things. They will do just fine."  
  
The cart went up slowly the frozen food aisle; he suddenly spotted Jack who waved back at him.  
  
"I'm sorry for what happened for the last few days Jack." Snake said shyly.  
  
"Bah. I was doing it for you, but hearing you apologizing is really is worth it." He said with a big smile.  
  
"So what are you doing here?"  
  
"Picking up some food and some supplies. You know there's a big storm coming up."  
  
"That's what Meryl told me stock up our fridge I guess."  
  
Taking a whole bunch of frozen chicken wings from the stock and shoving them in the packed cart.  
  
"So I heard Meryl didn't get mad at you."  
  
"No, she didn't that's why I have to make a big dinner to thank her."  
  
"Hey. Let's prepare a dinner for both of our girls."  
  
"Sure, I mean, my cooking isn't the best tasting shit in the world, but at least it's edible."  
  
Agreeing to their new idea they began to prepared for project.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What? Jack is scared of sock puppets?"  
  
"Yeah, but don't mention it to him. He goes crazy when he ever sees one."  
  
They laughed and began to drink their hot chocolate, "Did you hear about the big storm on the news. I told Jack to stock up on food just to be ready."  
  
"I told Snake the same thing when I saw the empty fridge. I swear, that guy can survive on almost anything."  
  
"I don't know, Jack doesn't complain about anything. He's quite cool of my pregnancy state. He didn't seem to mind the things I did to him."  
  
"I know how you feel."  
  
Interrupting their talk, someone rang the door bell. "I wonder who that is."  
  
Meryl got up and opened the door to a freezing looking Hal.  
  
"Hey- Heyy girls."  
  
"Hal! What happened to you??" The woman asked worriedly and wrapped the man in a big coat."  
  
"I couldn't find the key to my house and I had to stay in a hotel till the owner kicked me out because I couldn't pay him the last dime."  
  
"That's stupid."  
  
"Didn't I think of that Rose?"  
  
"Well, you can't stay at our house Otacon, because were having some renovations for the baby's room, why don't you stay with Snake?"  
  
"I'm afraid you would have suggested that."  
  
Rose got up slowly and began to put on her coat and took the keys from the hook of the wall.  
  
"Let's go to Snake's house right now, I think the weather is getting worse."  
  
"Yeah, it would be like having a sleep over for grownups!" Meryl exclaimed brightly.  
  
"This is such a great idea! Don't you think so Hal?"  
  
"Cold- So cold-"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Gwah!!! The lobster is burning like hell! Jack! The sea thing is on fire!"  
  
Taking the fire extinguisher from the corner of the kitchen, Jack immediately sprayed the content one the fiery lobster.  
  
"That's 28$ worth of lobsters wasted." He said to himself and shook his head sadly. "I wonder if Snake Jr. would like it. Here kitty, I have some nice dead lobster for you."  
  
The cat came rushing in for the treat but as soon as he approached the dish, the cat backed away and raced away to hide himself in the living room.  
  
"Guess even the cat is not all that stupid."  
  
"Don't worry Snake. At least we still have the roasted duck."  
  
"Jack. Are you sure that's even a duck."  
  
"Well it looks like the seagulls I shot in my last mission."  
  
Tasting the soup with a delightful sigh, Snake added some more spices and other herbs.  
  
"I swear, soup is the only thing I'm able to make."  
  
Glancing out quickly at the window, Raiden noticed the sky that grew darker and darker by the passing minute.  
  
"Maybe we should call the girls over right now. I don't want them to get caught in the storm."  
  
"Bah. You worry too much Jack. Besides, we still have to bake the cake.'  
  
"Are you sure about this Snake. I mean, have you ever baked one?"  
  
"Of course I did. I AM Solid Snake Jack. There's nothing I can't do." He yelled out in triumph as he took out a recipe book. "By the way Raiden, what's a tablespoon?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Arriving to Meryl's house, she quickly helped Hal towards the door and the pregnant Rose.  
  
"Where are my damn keys?" She cursed herself as she dug into her purse in search of the keys.  
  
"Meryl! Hurry up!! Hal is starting to sing the Barney song!"  
  
"I~ love youu~You love meeee~we ares happrys~familys with a big thick dick and a kiss from me to youuu won't to say you like me toooo~"  
  
As she unlocked the heavy wooden door, a loud crash came from the kitchen.  
  
Leaving Rose hulling a unconscious Hal into the living room, Meryl rushed towards the source of the noise. "Snake what's wrong?"  
  
Smoke came from every direction as men yelled out curses and tried to put out the fire in the oven.  
  
Jack stumbled out the room and gasped for air while Snake used the third bottle of Fire extinguishing bottle from the house.  
  
"Snake what were you doing? And what happened to Jack?" She asked him and cleaned his blackened face.  
  
"We were trying to make you guys dinner . . .Is that Hal over there?"  
  
"Yeah. We have to warm him up."  
  
"Hwello Snake. You look pretty today."  
  
Dave only shifted away from a little from Hal, "Well, I'll carry him to the spare bedroom okay? Come on Hal. We're going to make you warm and feeling your normal hyperactive Otaku self in no time."  
  
"Where's Barney? I miss you miss wolf, and Emma, stop repeating everything I say."  
  
Rose shook her head as she eyed Snake and Jack carrying poor Hal into another room.  
  
"Is it just me or these guys are really crazy?" 


	7. Stuck inStuck Out

I don't feel so good and I want to apologies to everyone who found all those errors, I didn't check the chapter out and I guess I have to next time. I had a big fight with this friend that I realized that she was a bitch and now I'm in shit 'cuz I like this guy but you know.It's a real dilemma, and unexpectedly, he didn't return my feelings for him *sighs*  
  
The characters in this fictional story don't belong to me, but they are original creations from the Konami Computer Company and Hideo Kojima.  
  
Stuck in/stuck out  
  
"Were officially stuck guys." Meryl announced stupidly, "The snow has gotten thicker and thicker and it doesn't look like it's ever going to stop."  
  
"So what are we going to do now?" Rose asked worriedly, "I mean, I'm not in a really comfortable position here and I don't want you guys to suffer from my mood swings."  
  
Jack nodded, "Yeah Meryl, you don't want to know."  
  
"Ok. I'll try to find some board games for us to play." She looked around quickly and found the 'Monopoly' Game.  
  
"Let's play this."  
  
"Oh no!! That game is soo lame."  
  
"Well, you can baby sit Hal instead of playing with us Rose." Snake said.  
  
"Fine. But I want to start off first."  
  
So the good friends started the game and left the demented Hal in the other room.  
  
"Alright, I rolled 6 that mean in going to land on . . . the Community Chest." Raiden exclaimed excitedly, "Let's see.I advance to Go! Crap I wanted to buy one of those expensive avenues . . ."  
  
"Don't worry Jack; you can go to MY lane." Meryl said slyly. "But it's going to cost you."  
  
The man looked at her avenues and stared at all those 25 houses on the same square.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Oh. And I was going to give you 5% rebate for a stay."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Snake rolled his dice and he landed on the Chance square, "I wonder what I'll have . . .Fuck! I'm elected as Chairman of the board and I got to pay you losers 50$ each."  
  
"Woohoo!" Jack yelled out and gladly took the cash from Snake's hand.  
  
"It's not fair!" Rose cried out, "I never land on those Chance or Community Squares! You guys are cheating!"  
  
"Calm down sweetie, it's only a game . . ."  
  
"But I want to land on one."  
  
"You're going to get on one ok? Now stop whining and roll the fuckin' dice."  
  
The dice dropped from her hands and showed the number 10. "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-"  
  
"Just out your damn shoe on the Pacific Avenue Square Rose!!"  
  
"Shut up I'm trying to concentrate! Now where was I? Oh yes. 8-9 and 10! Pacific Avenue!"  
  
"Are you going to buy it Rose?" Meryl asked, "Because it's my turn next."  
  
"Yeah ok. But can someone find that card? I can't find it anywhere on the Avenue pile . . ."  
  
"Just forget it Rose." Jack sighed out.  
  
"No I won't forget it. Now help me find it or else!"  
  
"Fine. But I won't pay if I go to your damn Square."  
  
So the gang searched the whole living room and found nothing.  
  
"Let's continue alright?" Snake told Rose gently for fear he'd hit one of her 'sensitive' nerves.  
  
"But I want that street," she sniffed, "I wanted to build houses and a hotel . . ."  
  
"Look, we've been looking for 2 hours now. Let's move on. There are other streets on the damn board." Solid Snake huffed.  
  
"But that Avenue was the best."  
  
"Yeah right." Jack said out loud and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I don't see why you always want to land on those 'Fancy Smansy Blue Avenues of yours?"  
  
"Because if you land on one of them you'll pay a lot."  
  
"Yeah right, Meryl is the richest around here," Snake interrupted them both, and she's got Ventnor, Pennsylvania, St- Charles and Mediterranean Avenue with more than 30 houses on each of them!"  
  
"Snake we don't fuckin' care what your girlfriend has alright! You're just taking her side because she left you stay at her place for half price!"  
  
"Hey is it my fault if she's better than you?" The old soldier told the young man, "If you were so good at this game, you would have avoided going to Prison 6 fuckin' times!"  
  
"Hey it's not my damn fault if the dices are rigged."  
  
"Don't blame your unluckiness on the dices. They are perfectly fine." Snake muttered to himself.  
  
"Can I please roll the dice now? I've been waiting long enough," Meryl sighed out loud. "And someone should really check Hal up. He's making some funny noises."  
  
"Hey! I found my Pacific Avenue card!" Rose cried out happily.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They continued the game till it was past their dinner time. They hadn't even noticed Snake Junior staring at them like he's watching a nature show.  
  
[INSIDE JACK'S MIND]  
  
"Bah. Look at Snake staring at me like that, if he thinks I'm a loser, he can think again. If he thinks he's more superior then me, he can kiss my ass. I've been in jail for the last 25 times pal and I won't fall for that again! If you think I still admire you, you can think again you old geezer from a lost hell hole . . ."  
  
The crazy looking Raiden continued to glare ferociously at his opponent as he finished paying Meryl a fine.  
  
[INISIDE MERYL'S MIND]  
  
"Let's see, I've got 3000$ dollars left in my savings, I own a total of 100 houses and hotels, that means I'm ok for now and I should really stop Snake and Raiden or they'll kill each other. And Rose looks like she's suffering a lot. I'll give her a rebate when she visits me then."  
  
"Your turn Rose." Meryl said happily.  
  
Rose stopped her crying and rolled her dice.  
  
[INSIDE ROSE'S MIND]  
  
"I HAVE to get a fuckin'card or I'll kill everybody . . . YES. They will suffer under my rule and they WILL pay dearly, especially Jack who didn't care for me and who charged me a damn 500$ stay in his puny avenue and I'll make him pay and torture him like Snake did and I'll rob Meryl's account . . ."  
  
Rose smiled as she landed on a Chance Square, "Oh My GOD! Finally! I got a Chance Square!!" She cheered on and took her precious card, "I hope it's something good . . ."  
  
Rosemary stared blankly at her card and couldn't utter a single word.  
  
"Rose what's wrong?" Jack asked sincerely, "Is there something wrong with the card?"  
  
Even after that, she didn't move.  
  
Snake shifted next to Meryl and whispered his question, "Hey. What the hell is going wrong?"  
  
She shrugged, "I don't know . . . Maybe the card is so good, she can't use it."  
  
So the people waited for Rose to react, and she finally did, they regretted it.  
  
"AH!!!!! Why do these things happen to me??? What did I do to deserve this???"  
  
"Rose. It's just a card." Jack reassured her. It can't really hurt you . . ."  
  
"But . . .*sniffs* But . . ."  
  
"Yes?" everybody asked.  
  
"I don't wanna go to jail!!!!!I'm too young and beautiful to go! I'm also sexy and pregnant!!!"  
  
"Will you just fuckin'go to jail so we can get on with this game? Whoever made this game must be a mad man." Snake commented.  
  
"No I won't!" Rose yelled, "I won't go to jail even if this is just a game!"  
  
"Will you please go to jail Rose?"  
  
"No I won't! I-"  
  
Suddenly, the lights went out and everything was bathed in total darkness.  
  
"I'll go check the fuse box." Snake muttered as he got up. "I'll also get some candles, why don't you check Hal out? I think someone needs to check up on him"  
  
Jack nodded and headed towards the room which Otacon was sleeping.  
  
Taking the chance of finally being alone, Meryl sat closer to Rose and hugged her, "Rose, are you have moods swings again?"  
  
She stifled a small cry and answered, "I think so. It's so hard to be pregnant Meryl. I hate these weird cravings and I hate when I take it out on Jack for no reason."  
  
"Hey! Jack loves you and he'll endure this because he cares about you." The redhead woman consoled her friend.  
  
They both stopped their conversation when Jack entered the living room with a very sleepy Otacon.  
  
"What happened?" he asked, "I had the weirdest dream."  
  
"You were frozen so badly that you turned crazy Hal."  
  
"Oh yeah?" the man whispered, "I didn't realize. I dreamed that I was attacking Disney Land with an army for terminator dolls and I was going to rule the world. . . "  
  
"Hey! You woke up." Snake said as he carefully put candles around the room. "So how was it Hal? How did it feel to turn crazy again?"  
  
"Again? What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, there was another time you turned crazy when" Before he could finish his sentence, Meryl and Jack shut Dave's mouth with their hands and Jack finished for him,  
  
"Nothing Hal, it's nothing."  
  
"So what are we going to do? Jack told me that we can't escape this house." Otacon said as he sat down beside Jack.  
  
"Well we were playing Monopoly when the game just turned nuts." Meryl responded, "Since the lights are out and it makes the perfect mood for it-"  
  
"Let's tell scary stories!" Rose completed Meryl's suggestion, "Let's see who tells the scariest story of all."  
  
"I'm scared of NOTHING!" Snake burst out laughing, "I'm the bravest soldier of all!"  
  
Everybody remained silent as Solid Snake continued laughing alone.  
  
"Let's start with Jack! Jack, tell us a scary story!" Meryl suggested as she pulled Snake back to his place by his ear.  
  
Raiden coughed a little before he began.  
  
"A long time ago, in a very far away place, a little girl was killed in the washrooms. . ." 


	8. Chocolate Milk and scary stories don't m...

Hum hey *taps the microphone* It seems I haven't upgraded for a long time and hum *gun being cocked behind her head* Ah, ahem, wellyouseeIhavebeenbusyandIjustcouldn'tdoanythingforawhilesodon'tkillmehere' sthenewchapternow!  
  
WARNING: This chapter contains more sex than it should be allowed, well you know Snake . . . He IS the perverted one in the series . . .  
  
Chocolate Milk and scary stories don't mix I  
  
"Jack, what is it with you and bathrooms?" Rose asked.  
  
"Ok Ok. I'll change the setting." He grumbled.  
  
"I brought some hot chocolate for you guys," Meryl announced happily as she handed out a cup for each, "Hope you enjoy them."  
  
"Ahem, as I was saying." Raiden continued with a storytelling voice.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Raiden's Scary Story~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was a dark and stormy night, when a little girl named Olga ran on the wet pavement in Moscow's poor district.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Is this girl really Olga? Is she hot?" Snake interrupted.  
  
"Yes and now shut up and listen, and NO she is NOT hot, she only 5."  
  
"Bastard"  
  
"Now as I was saying."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The little girl nearly tripped as she tried to escape the thing that was following her. She gasped for air as she franticly searched her surrounding for her captor. The town lights flickered on and off that night as the rain poured down onto the small girl.  
  
Her hair swayed in the humid air as her foot steps resonated throughout the silent night. The thing continued to follow her, it breathed shallowly and its speed was unmatched, what could it be? Is there such thing that could frighten a girl like that?  
  
Olga ran and ran towards her house which was near the limits of the town, her hands searched madly for the key of the house and fond none on her. She could sense it coming nearer and nearer from behind, her skin grew under her clothes and her eyes widened in horror as she got a glimpse of its shadow around the small brick wall.  
  
Her legs could work anymore so she desperately clawed the wet grass with her tiny fingers. The steps grew nearer and nearer and she could even smell its foul breath, warming her and surrounding her. Its heavy footsteps crushed the luscious grass which turned dark with clouds passing in front of the moon.  
  
She pleaded to it, crying for mercy to it. It didn't respond, and didn't even flinch at her tears. Olga didn't know what else to do, her voice wasn't responding to her brain and her tongue seemed to have lost its talent to scream for help.  
  
Hands grabbed her shoulders, helplessly, she gasped at the frightening eyes of it captor . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What can it be??" Meryl asked as she hugged Snake's arm in fright.  
  
"I bet it's that house with bird legs like the Russian legend . . ." Otacon told to himself.  
  
"Can I please continue?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Olga flinched in terror as it pronounced a simple phrase, a simple phrase which would cause her to despise the American Culture, a simple phrase which caused her to go to war and be scarred for life.  
  
It was this simple phrase:  
  
"Mickey Mouse loves you, now, tomorrow and forever."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"That is sooo disturbing." Hal yelled out as Raiden finished lighting up his face in a scary Halloween fashion.  
  
"Yeah," Meryl agreed, "If that were real I would be scarred too, I mean, Mickey?"  
  
"I don't agree with you guys at all. Mickey Mouse brings us happy moments together and they have wonderful amusement parks that make us feel all warm and fuzzy. Each time people go there, they feel this wonderful magic flowing inside of them and unleashes when we see those magical and spectacular characters." Solid Snake said with his heavenly voice.  
  
Everyone remained silent as they all stared at Snake in disbelief.  
  
The man only sunk his head low, "I got bored and felt saying something." He admitted. "Dave, sometimes you freak us out. But that just out done everything you ever did that was weird." Jack said.  
  
"Even the time I posted picture of Liquid around town and sang the "Bodyguard" Song while walking my huskies and throwing flowers at the US army?" Snake demanded.  
  
"Yes, it outdone that too."  
  
"Who's next then?" Meryl asked, "I hope we'll hear a good one."  
  
"Oh me me!" Rose chanted! "I wanna try!"  
  
"Ok. I hope it won't suck like Jack's." Snake huffed.  
  
"Hey! At least I didn't admit an unknown passion for Disney Land."  
  
"Hey! That was supposed to be a joke." The old mercenary responded.  
  
"Well sometimes we just don't know Snake."  
  
"Are you ready to hear my story now?" Rose asked everybody.  
  
"Yes! Get on with it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Tale of the Hunted Box~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It all started in a small village up north of Alaska where a young man named David lived. He was a simple boy with aside from the military experience at the age of 15. But this boy had a disturbing thing for boxes, something so deep that no one understood. It frightened the villagers in that region and was explained with an odd curse that befell on this young man.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Rose, are you sure this is going to be scary?" Hal asked, "I mean boxes?"  
  
"Hey! Shut up fan boy! At least I didn't use Mickey Mouse!" She responded.  
  
"Stop mocking me!" Jack pleaded in annoyance.  
  
"We don't care if your story sucked Raiden." Snake raged on, "I'm sure your girlfriend will tell a better one."  
  
"Can I please continue my horrific tale of the hunted box involving Solid Snake's mysterious and disturbing fetish?"  
  
"Yes." Meryl sighed out loud."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This teenager would spend his entire days to devote to his boxes, care for them like a desperate lover would. David would caress them endlessly and pray for their safety, praying that no one would touch them.  
  
Then, tragedy struck.  
  
It was a foggy night when all was sunken in darkness; the ample clouds covered the moon's light and forced the residents to go early back to their households.  
  
David didn't mind the darkness, since he always went inside his boxes for comfort, like a child who searched for a mother's comforting embrace.  
  
His parents were gone for their honeymoon and left poor little David alone with his grandfather. This man was old and weary; his bones were nearly ripping out from his thin layered skin. Hair didn't adorn his scalp anymore and his eyes didn't beam with light like before.  
  
Dave didn't seem to mind the old man, in fact he ignore them and spent time with his beloved cardboard boxes.  
  
Until it was time to watch his porno later that night.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey Rose. What Porno title is it?" Snake asked in a breathy voice.  
  
"You pig!"  
  
"Come on! I'm really curious to know what porn titles you must know!"  
  
"Snake. Stop threatening my girlfriend!" Jack yelled, "Why don't you come up with a title? It seems you have more experience with this subject am I right?"  
  
"Of course! What kind of obvious statement is that?" Otacon commented.  
  
" Lemme see . . .A porno movie I watched when I was 15 . . . .So many *gasps in delight* good . . .huhg . . .times . . .mmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . Oh yeah baby come on faster . . .arg . . you're almost there baby . . ."  
  
"Snake!!!" Meryl said in an irritated voice, "I didn't know you were a dirty bastard!"  
  
"You should have known when I enjoyed searching for you sweet ass the first time . . . Oh yeah those were the missions I enjoyed the most . . ."  
  
"Alright Rose, just continue without Snake. I think he might to too busy right now." Hal sighed sadly.  
  
In the background you could hear Sold Snake's memories coming to life.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So the little perverted David continued to watch his obscenities till he could take no more of it. He had to go pleasure himself somewhere, but couldn't face the fact that he didn't want his grandfather to know about it.  
  
He had to find somewhere to hide. But where?  
  
An idea struck then as he noticed his cardboard box sitting in the corner of his bedroom. It was big and strong, one of his prized possessions. It could fit a grown man inside with enough space to spare.  
  
He couldn't take it anymore so he stumbled inside the cardboard box and started to think about what he just saw. Instead of that ugly slut, he imagined of his girl classmates he fell in love with. She had red hair and beautiful eyes, so pretty he couldn't stop thinking about her.  
  
It was quite dark inside his sanctuary as he tried to imagine all the things he would do to the girl in question. He knew that those salacious thoughts would never come true, but what can he do? He can't tell her how he felt about her because he was an ugly jackass with no brain and thought with his cock instead of his brain, if he had one at all . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Why are you insulting me Rose?" Snake demanded furiously.  
  
"The character is named David not Snake."  
  
"But that is my name too."  
  
"Hey! Not my fault if you have so many names! I bet you have other names too huh? How about it? Do you name yourself "Snakie Poo"? No! Wait! "Davie" or even maybe "The Sexy Beast"?" Rose mocked the man.  
  
"How did you know about the "Sexy Beast" name?" Snake chuckled.  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The box rocked and rocked as his mind went higher and higher. He was so close but yet so far. He wishes he didn't have to hide in a box, but the thought of his doing it with his fantasy girl made him go ever harder.  
  
The air was stuffy and he couldn't hear anything other from his ragged breathing from his forbidden actions. He began to feel himself tremble as he couldn't control his emotions anymore.  
  
Suddenly the force was so strong that the whole box collapsed onto the floor, his was breathing hard and pushed the box's panels open to breathe the air from his room. Since he just pretended to make love with a untouchable girl, his mind was still fuzzy from his actions.  
  
But as he tried to crawl out of the humid box, he felt something under the cardboard, on the side that crashed to the floor that is.  
  
Scared that it might be one of his video game consoles, he quickly ran out of the box and pulled it away from the spot.  
  
Dave's eyes grew wide and his face turned white as a sheet at what he saw underneath where the box was.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I wonder what could have scared little Davie like that." Jack asked to himself.  
  
"This is getting quite good." Otacon commented.  
  
"I'm scared." Meryl whispered.  
  
" . . ."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The young man stared in disbelief at the thing that lay on the floor. It was so gruesome that he couldn't take his eyes off it.  
  
It was because of this that he still continued caring for boxes; it was because of this that he can't take his eyes off a cardboard box.  
  
It was because of the simple sight of his grand father being crushed underneath the cardboard box that he had just masturbated that night. . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Rose!!! That is the sickest and sadist thing you ever told us!" The anime freak began to smash him on a table.  
  
"I can't believe my own wife would tell such a thing."  
  
"I like it." Meryl said with a wicked smile, "How about you Snake? Hum Snake?"  
  
"Mommy, please don't tell daddy I killed grand pa. . . I didn't kill him, please mommy don't be mad. I know it's my fault . . . Noooo not the box! Not the BOX!!! I learned my lesson . . .please not the tea box, not the tea box Liquid! LIIIQQQUUUUIIIIIIDDD!!!"  
  
" . . ."  
  
NOTE.  
  
No, I don't have anything against Disney Land well a little just to piss of this Disney freak girl at my school but that's all.  
  
Also, don't worry about Snake, I think he'll be alright.^_^" 


	9. Chocolate Milk and scary stories don't m...

Lemme see . . . characters don't belong to me, stories they are telling are screwed but who cares??!! I find them funny and disturbing and that's cool!  
  
Hum.yeah that's all I guess  
  
Chocolate Milk and Scary Stories Don't Mix II  
  
Meryl shifted from her seat as she tried to comfort Snake who was still in the traumatizing stage of the last so called "Tale of the Hunted Box".  
  
"So who's up next?" Rose asked, "I think Hal should go!"  
  
"Me? Why me?"  
  
"Because you have to participate in this cruelty game too." Jack said.  
  
"Alright. But prepare to get scared you non-anime loving freaks!!!"  
  
"In my opinion, you're the freak Hal."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Mysterious Codec~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There was once a girl named Rose, she was quite the hose. She fell in love with a guy named Jack the Ripper. No wonder she was hyper.  
  
She lived in an apartment and needed to destroy the floor made of cement. Since her boyfriend lived under hers, she wanted to hear his screams, and wanted him to hear hers.  
  
She got an idea to install a codec in his place, so she could hear him with out showing him her lace. Rose was desperate to hear him living, like her need of touching. Since this Jack dreaded her . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What??!! Jack hates me?" Rosemary whined.  
  
"It's not true Rose, it's only a story!"  
  
"You love me right jack? Jack??"  
  
"Of course I love you Rose." Raiden replied and secretly took some antidepressant drugs.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After installing 10 codecs around his apartment, she sat and listened to his every movement. She adore when she heard him snore and when he was in the showers, she could smell the shampoo with the scent of flowers.  
  
She could even hear him go to the bathroom and scream when he burned the kitchen. Day after day it was the same, until she stopped unexpectedly, and Jack took fame.  
  
It was near 3 o'clock when she heard the weirdest noises; it came from her codec, and echoed like on a boat's deck. She continued to listen to them and dreamed it was Jack dreaming of her, she got so excited she twisted the hem of her nightgown.  
  
Suddenly, a voice rang out loud, but it didn't sound like her Jack, it said:  
  
"I want you."  
  
Simple but yet frightening, it sent chills to her back and yelped in terror. Yet it continued and didn't stop to torment her. She felt like the sentence had penetrated her mind and couldn't be erased. She feared the sound of its repeating phrase and took a broom and lifted up in the air . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hal, this doesn't sound scary at all." Jack sighed, "Where's the action?"  
  
"Oh don't you worry its coming." Otacon tried to reassure his friend.  
  
"By the way, how is Snake?" Rose asked Meryl worriedly.  
  
She stared at the man in her arms and smiled, "I think he's sleeping."  
  
"I wished I had a camera."  
  
"Shut up and continue the damn story."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The broom smashed unto the codec and, to her surprise, it continued the rambling. Her eyes went in terror as it pronounced the single phrase again:  
  
"I want you."  
  
With all her might, she continued to hit the machine over and over but nothing seemed to happen. So she still uses the rest of her force to smash the non stopping codec but in vain. Adrenaline rushed into her brain as she still continued to hit the machine, faster and faster she went, and the harder and harder she continued.  
  
It still pronounces its simple phrase and made Rose go crazy, literally.  
  
Instead of hitting the machine, she took her hard broom and raised it in front of her.  
  
The wood crashed upon her skull as she died in happiness without hearing the bloody phrases that still continued, on and on it went. Her dark red blood pooled under her lifeless body, but the codec didn't seem to mind.  
  
Meanwhile, Jack looked up as he had just heard a faint thud on his ceiling. Rose's place he thought.  
  
"I wonder if the TV is too loud. I mean, I am watching my favorite thriller/horror movie for the fifth time tonight.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hal! I didn't know you can be so deep in these kinds of stories!" Meryl said enthusiastically.  
  
"Well, I have been practicing with my Princess Miyu fanfics." The anime fan replied.  
  
"I loved it Hal! I t was the be- I mean," Jack stopped his sentence in the middle as he noticed Rose's frightened face, "Hum how could you Hal!"  
  
"Put a sock in it lover boy and go comfort your girlfriend or she'll drive us crazy again."  
  
"Alright. I have a good one in my head," Meryl announced, "Let's see you guys handle this one!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Gundam~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There was this boy named Hal, who dreaded his name so he called himself after an anime convention. He adored his anime and had this thing for his sister and mother, which was quite unhealthy if you ask anyone.  
  
For his tenth birthday, he got a model kit, a rare one of Gundam Wing. He went almost nuts as he started to build it right away, little did he know that this mysterious object had an evil and obscure curse to it, something that mankind shouldn't interfere with.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Meryl, you know Gundam?" Hal asked with his otaku maniac voice.  
  
" Actually no and I just took the toy from a manga thingie I saw at your place some time ago . . ."  
  
"Anime hating freaks who should be banished from the face of the earth . . . when I'll finish building my Metal Gear I'll . . . Wait. I already have and it was quite successful. Well aside from all those terrorists who wants to use them for evil purposes and all those Metal Gear that got destroyed and . . ." Otacon continued rambling alone.  
  
"Ok. Hum why don't you go ahead Meryl, I'm pretty sure Hal will catch up later." Jack said and sighed in relief when Rose is back to normal; well that is normal stage for her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Otacon tool all his time in assembling its precious parts, he felt like a princess touching her prince . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What the Hell Meryl? Touching her prince?? I am a guy you know!"  
  
"Sorry Hal I was thinking of Raiden." She said.  
  
"What did you say?" Jack asked suspiciously.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The kid took great cared of it and his mind never left this precious model kit, even during class and anime downloading, he would dream about the day he would finish it and display it in his room. It would be his prized possession and his greatest triumph.  
  
Soon he finished it and he stood back with pride. It was perfect he thought, beautiful and eccentric lines define the model as it stared back at the young man. Hal couldn't help but stare back at the model kit's plastic textures and the swirls of colors and made Hal's eyes bled in joy.  
  
Without a second thought, Otacon rushed towards it's prized possession and started his prayers for its safety, he prayed and prayed. He felt like dying if he ever left its side. So day after day he prayed and touched his toy with great overflown happiness and never took his eyes off it, he didn't didn't move from his model's side and his parents thought he had simply gone nuts from all those years of watching anime.  
  
Little did they know, Hal had already died of from his constant prayers and nobody went to check up on him, since nobody knew he was still inside praying. After all, he did tell his parents to not come into his room unless he said so.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Meryl."  
  
'How did you find my story Otacon."  
  
"It sucked like shit." The man said.  
  
"How could you say that? I thought it was good." Jack whispered to Rose.  
  
"You are so mean Hal!"  
  
"Just shut your trap anime hater!!!"  
  
"Stop saying that!"  
  
"Anime Hater, Anime Hater!" Otacon continued to taunt her.  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Snake's fist smashed unto Hal's face.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Just outside the house meanwhile, Liquid adjusted his goggles as he continued to watch his brother inside the house.  
  
"What is Snake doing?" He asked to himself. "He looks like he's kissing Hal madly. Brother I knew you were sick but not on that level."  
  
Ting!  
  
"Hey my tea is ready!" Liquid Snake said happily and poured its content in a cup of tea. As he sipped it he noticed that Meryl had joined into the kiss too.  
  
"What? Meryl too? God is Snake that sexy to resist? These people are weird . . ."  
  
But little did the Snake brother know, he was watching them arguing from behind.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Stop it Snake!"  
  
"You stay outta this redhead!!" Hal yelled out in rage and tried to hit his so called friend.  
  
"Meryl back off or you'll get this punk's blood on you!" Snake warned.  
  
"Gah! Enough of this! I'm leaving." She said as she started to put on her coat as soon as she noticed the snow that had melted this morning.  
  
"Meryl come back-"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The blond brother sipped the last drop of his tea and shoved a tea cookie into his mouth as he hid near the front door with a baseball bat in his hands.  
  
"Lemme see. First, when Snake comes out the bloody winner again, all I have to do is hit him on the head and I'll be the only Snake brother left, well aside from Solidus whom I'm sure he'd died of the aging process by now."  
  
Hearing the door opening, he aimed the bat onto the person's head. Sadly, he slipped and fell onto the ground; he fell so hard that the ice on the roof fell onto the person's head.  
  
Liquid heard someone scream "Meryl!" and his eyes went wide in shock.  
  
Meryl?  
  
He approached to the person and gasped.  
  
Crap he assaulted the wrong person.  
  
"Liquid!" A familiar voice said.  
  
It was Snake along with his groupies who one of them started to dial 9-9-1.  
  
The old mercenary stepped ferociousicly to Liquid Snake and lifted him up into the air by his collar.  
  
"What did you do to Meryl?'  
  
Without answering his genetic clone brother, he smiled and simply chuckled.  
  
"Cheerio brother?" 


	10. Twin Snakes!

Yeah here's a new chapter! Well at least that's what I've been writing here.... Alright then here's the action, the excitement, the romance and holy crap! My mom just found out I flunked French! If you readers don't wanna know about my personnal life, skip this paragraph, if you wanna continue, be my guest!  
  
Lemme see, I am so sorry for those who have been waiting for a new chapter to come, I had this science competition and I would apologize for all those who had been waiting, I am so sorry now on to the chapter! Also, I had to translate some MGS stuff for this French site and I had drawings to complete to please excuse me. Only a very very small chapter....  
  
Twin Snakes??  
  
At first, Meryl didn't know where she was but the strong smell of the sterilized hospital hit her. The last thing she remembered was getting hit by the head but the rest was a blur.  
  
"She's waking up!" Rose said happily.  
  
Meryl felt Snake's grip on her hands and the joyous expressions of her friends staring back at her. She squinted her eyes a little and couldn't believe what she was seing, so hesitantly, she asked Otacon.  
  
"Hum Hal?"  
  
"Yes Meryl?"  
  
"Why is there 2 Solid Snakes in the same room?"  
  
The Otaku leaned towards Jack and gave him a questioning look.  
  
"What do you mean by that Meryl?" Rose asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well there is 1 Solid Snake holding me," the redhead told everyone, "And another sitting on the other side of the room with a dirty wet sock in his mouth. . . ."  
  
The buddies gathered in a group.  
  
"What is she talking about?" Snake asked.  
  
"I think Meryl suffered a mild case of amnesia and she is seeing 2 Solid Snakes." Otacon replied in a very mature way. "I think she'll get better but for now, I think she is seeing Liquid, your brother, as another you."  
  
"Is that possible?"  
  
"Hey! If we can clone you from simple genes, I think a simple loss of memory can occur David!" Jack sighed.  
  
"Alright then . . . Meryl! What are you doing???"  
  
The petite woman looked around as she finished untying Liquid, "Why did you guys tied up Snake?"  
  
"He isn't Snake! I am Snake!" David yelled.  
  
Realising what was going on Liquid stood up in front of Meryl and took her hand and kissed it. "Thank you my dear lady from untying me, I was in an uncomfortable as you saw earlier and you have my eternal gratitude."  
  
Meryl simply blushed and Snake just glared at his "brother".  
  
"No you see here LIQUID, you can walk away from me, you can try to kill me but I will not allow you to walk away with MY Meryl!"  
  
The woman with red hair cocked her head sideways and hugged Liquid's arm tighter, "The Snake I know would never say bad things like that."  
  
Liquid smirked wickedly and hugged her closer, "Yeah Snake would never behave like that."  
  
"Why you sniveling son-of -a -bitch!!!" The man yelled out enraged and was going to punch Liquid but the others caught him before he could do anything.  
  
"Look," Otacon said, "If you guys want to beat each other that is fine. But as long as Meryl has lost her memories, I think well have to make a decision wither she goes with David or Liquid."  
  
"I know!" Raiden exclaimed, "Let's have both of them entered a dog slag contest!"  
  
"That is a good idea! If anything Snake is the best, it's the dog slag contests! Surely, if Meryl sees who will cross the finish line, she'll remember the real Snake." Hal nodded in agreement.  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmmm.....How interesting." Liquid thought.  
  
"Yeah. Let's see if little British boy can beat me." Snake taunted the blond man, "I bet you won't survive a night in these Alaskan temperatures...."  
  
"Hmpf. Stop talking if you were the best BROTHER. You may have won all the races in Alaska, but maybe you are over confident."  
  
"And you are a dickhead!!!"  
  
"What about you? You old bastard, you're the one who's obsessed by a girl that is years younger than you! You must be ashamed!" Liquid smirked as he saw Snake's face sink low, "I guess I hit a sensitive spot haven't I? Old Solid Snake...looking for attention over a young innocent girl...sometimes, I wonder where you get those genes of yours..."  
  
Snake tried to ignore Liquid's comments. But it continued to echo through his mind. He was right. He had no right over Meryl, he had no right to live with her less than love her....  
  
His hands clenched, as he stared at the clear blues eyes of his "so called brother".  
  
"You are wrong Liquid. I will win this race for Meryl and you'll get lost you hear me?!!"  
  
The man just grinned, "And what if I win?"  
  
Dave looked at Meryl for a moment, and a sad smile came to his face, "If you win. You get to keep her." 


	11. Author's Note

Note:  
  
Dear fans, ( If I even have any) Sorry for the lateness of this author. I was supposed to have finished writing  
  
chapter 11 for Soldier's Life but I lost the file and it took me a long time to write, so please have patience for me to rewrite everything.  
  
Sincerely Duofan. 


	12. Racing rules and Hal's what?

Wow it has been over a year since I've updated this. I hope my fans will forgive me.

All characters mentionned in this fanfic, do not belong to me. They are property of Konami and Hideo K.

----------------------------------------------------

**Iditarod?**

The gang settled into the living room while Hal explained the details of the race.

"For those who don't know this race, it is one of the most challenging races on Earth."

" What a funny name for a race," exclaimed Rose.

"Yes, well it dated back in the 20s, there was a epidemic rising in the population of a small town. Children were dying and because of the climate in Alaska, they weren't able to fly or sail or deliver the serum for the children. The weather was harsh in those winter days and well there wasn't much hope. " Hal informed.

" Then a group of dogs travelled 1,150 miles to get the serum right?" Snake filled in.

"Yes, in fact, the sleigh team battled against mother nature just to save those children"

Meryl looked at Snake and gave him a little smile. As weird as it might sound, Snake returned the smile and then glared at Liquid.

"This race sounds pretty easy chaps. I think I'll win it for my love. " Liquid said as he pulled Meryl closer to him.

" Don't. Touch. Meryl. " David muttered.

"Hey lighten up "bro"."

" Ok guys this is the rulesthey haveset up for the participants.."

Everyone listened.

" The race will start in a week, to prepare you guys for getting supplies, the right sleigh, train the dogs...None of you are allowed to use stereoids on your dogs or on yourselves."

"I don't need some damn steroids." Snake told them.

"Snake, as rude as this might sound...You are getting old, and a little bit...fat" Rose told the old man.

"Hey who are you calling old?" Snaked looked at himself and did notice a little bit of fat begging to form.

"You better give up now and save the embarassement of getting the US Army to search for your old corpse" Liquid laughed.

" At least I didnt get my arm cut off and got it attached to an old man's body." Snake sneered, " I bet you guys had some " fun " in private.'"

" I wont talk if I were you, you bloody bastard."

" Everyone just SHUT UP!" Raiden exploded. " Both of you. Especially."

Both man settled down and remained silent, Otacon took this moment and continued.

" The contenstants must finish the race in less than 2 weeks. Any use of spying on each other, bringing weapons is illegal and you will be disqualified."

The brothers muttered and mentally took off some weapons they had in meind bringing.

" Also, in case you guys have a low level of rations or water, there is plenty of substitues in the wild. You guys wont starve to death or anything."

" Hey geek, is there a prize money offered besides this pretty lady? " Liquid informed and winked at a blushing Meryl.

" Absolutely, Participants from all over the world will be there. The first prize is 72 000 Dollars American."

" Pffft I get more than that when I - " Snaked looked around and decided to shut up.

" Well I can tell you who is entering the contest. " Hal searched the web sites database and noticed something.

"This is a shock."

" What is it Hal? " Raiden asked, " Someone we know?"

"Yes, apparently someone we knew is desperate for the reward."

"Who?"

" Let's see, I see...Revolver Ocelot.."

" What!"

This is going to be thougher than I thought, Snake pondered, already I am up against My clone bro, now a psycopath russian, what a great way to start things.

" Anyways, I am printing some more stuff both of you must know about, some stores you can go check out and the prices."

Hal handed the papers without glancing at them and waited for the 2 men to read it.

"Whats wrong?"

" Euh Hal...you gave us the wrong papers...I mean erm..documents."

Liquid just snickered," Oh Hal, I never knew you were sucha dirty boy."

Rose and Raiden peeked at the papers and their eyes bulged from their sockets.

As for Meryl, she blushed an dhide her face in the sofa.

" Hey whats wrong with everyone?"

"Here take a look for yourself."

Hal took the paper and turned red.

" I can..explain guys."

" Sure Hal sure, look its too late for explanations..and we are quite disturbed with this..piece of document."

Otacon looked at the document and sighed.

" Guys this is just hentai, what wrong with it?"

" What's wrong? Whats wrong?" Rose cried out. " Whats wrong is you are staring at young girls who barely hit puberty!"

"They are 18!"

" Hal have you looked at them closely? If you dont stop looking at dirty pornography it might damage your brain."

" Snake has some why aren't you guys complaining?"

" Because we all know snake is some old pervert and he has issues. " Raiden filled in.

"Hey I wouldnt talk if I were you, I remembered when you wre nekkid in the last mission, and you aren't that " big"." Snake chuckled, " The ladies just can't get enough of me."

" You pig."

" Everyone maybe you guys should relax? Hal just have a disturbing fetish..." Meryl suggested.

" Oh thank you Meryl, Now you think I am a pedophile." Otacon retorted.

" Well you do come from Japan, and you know guys there have a little bit of lolitta syndrom. " Raiden told his friend.

" Since when did this start? We are talking about a race and not some silly porno I accidently gave you."

" It's alright hal I understand," Liquid put his arms over his shoulder, " In your dreams, you want to bang up a little young girl, but in reality, we all know you will end up a virgin.."

Hal remained silent.

" For you information, I am NOT a fucking virging."

Everyone stood suprised and was so shocked.

" I Lost mine a long time ago."

" Hal, Cyber sex isn't considered real."

" ARGH!" Otacon screamed and stormed out of the room with his lap top.

" Bah he'll be fine." David told hisfriends.


End file.
